So be it
by LianneZ4
Summary: A mission during the Clone Wars leads to several confrontations between Anakin, Mace Windu, Obi-Wan and others. A possible missing piece or a slightly AU story


_Summary: __A mission during the Clone Wars leads to several confrontations between Anakin, Mace Windu, Obi-Wan and others. A possible missing piece or a slightly AU story_

* * *

><p><strong>So be it<strong>

The twelve of them looked at each other.

"We must go, General," said one of the Clones bravely.

"Out of the question," snapped Anakin Skywalker resolutely. "If we leave now, you die. We must find another way."

"With all respect, sir, we need to go soon if we are to send the signal to Generals – "

"I know," interrupted Anakin impatiently. "But we _can_ solve this. Trust me, all right? Just give me a minute to think."

Anakin looked again at the five useless breathing masks. For the countless time that day, he silently cursed whatever bureaucrat in the Senate had decided to buy them the cheapest equipment that had started malfunctioning about ten minutes into their mission. It had already cost him lives of three brave and loyal comrades.

The main purpose of their easy-turned-suicidal mission had been fulfilled half an hour ago and two thirds of the Clones Anakin had accompanying him were now dead. They had successfully started the chain reaction that would destroy the small droid factory. In the process, they had also damaged the main source of power, so only a small percent of the droids were still operating and capable of shooting them. But that was useless if they didn't solve the problem outside their small, temporary hideout.

Five of the Clones had their breathing apparatus malfunctioning.

Their provisory shelter would only protect them for about the next ten minutes until it was destroyed. And they truly needed to go and send the signal to Obi-Wan and Master Windu.

They wouldn't have been in this situation if things had gone at least a _little_ bit according to the plan, thought Anakin a bit bitterly. But somehow, they had been discovered nearly immediately after their arrival. The whole sabotage would have gone foul, if not for the Clones' resilience and determination and their commander's brilliance. Still, they had somehow managed to place the explosives and retreat from the area of immediate danger. But their rotten luck wouldn't leave them that day. Shortly afterwards, both of their intended escape paths had been blocked. Now the only way out was across the whole factory that was already burning; a way that was filled with poisonous gas.

All that and more went through Anakin's head in about half a minute.

"We have lost seven men three levels from there because of the ambush," he said at last. "If we got their masks, we could all get away and still manage it out in time."

"Let's go then – "

"No," interrupted Anakin. "Only one of us will go, in case more of these things continue to break," he picked up one of the useless apparatus in disgust.

The Clones looked at each other.

Leafs spoke first. "I volunteer, sir – "

"No, Leafs," rejected Anakin grimly the brave offer and started emptying his bag. "_I _will go."

"But General – "

"I'm a Jedi," stopped Anakin their objections in the beginning. "I can get down these floors and back in five minutes. Now, if I'm not back in seven, you _all_ get out of here, is that clear? You," he pointed to the five Clones, "when I'm gone, try that adjustment that Reese suggested. The rest will help you. Who knows, maybe it will work and you'll get out of here alive." He seriously doubted that there was any way to repair the masks, but if something happened to him, it would be the Clones' only chance, however slim. They had little choice left. "Leafs, you're in command while I'm gone. Any questions?"

"But General – "

"Great."

Anakin put on his own mask and then opened and closed the door as quickly as possible. He ran for thirty seconds before he took a turn and jumped on a platform twenty meters bellow him. Another minute later, he found the corpses. Ignoring his anger over these useless deaths, he quickly began ransacking through their equipment, the poison all around him. After finding what he needed, he tosses all the five devices into his bag and quickly began finding his way upwards, while watching the flames spreading under him.

They were going to cut it close.

"Here you go," he panted breathlessly as he handled around the devices from the bag.

"Sir, we have twenty seven minutes before the factory blows up."

"Thank you, Reese," answered Anakin. "That means we should be there in time to warn Obi-Wan and Master Windu. Let's go!"

o - o - o

"_Generals. Our mission has been completed. The bomb we have planted should explode in five minutes."_

"Thank you, Commander Leafs," said Obi-Wan. Then he frowned. "Leafs, where is General Skywalker?" he asked worriedly to the hologram.

"_I'm here, Master,"_ came a weak reply from the other side. Then Anakin appeared. Even on the transmission, he looked really unwell.

"Anakin! What – "

"_Keep … the scolding for later, Maser,"_ replied Anakin with a cough. _"You can fully proceed; we're on our way to safety. Skywalker out."_

"Anakin!" shouted Obi-Wan insistently. He forcefully calmed down when faced again with the sheepish looking Commander Leafs. "Thank you, Commander. That's all." Then he turned off the transmission.

What had his former Padawan done this time?

o - o - o

"You put the whole mission in danger!" exclaimed Master Windu.

"I'm glad you approve," answered Anakin sarcastically before he retched up again.

"This put new highs to your arrogance and recklessness."

"I – _bleah_ – I had it under control – "

"Oh, I see," snapped Master Windu harshly. "You nearly got yourself **and** the rest of our troops killed because of a few expendable men! If your signal came too late – "

"I knew the dangers!" shouted Anakin back, feeling light-headed and nauseous. "We had the time to save them. Nothing happened – "

"Nothing, except that our ten thousand men would have been _dead_ if we hadn't got your signal in time! You are there vomiting – "

"Gentlemen, could you please stop shouting?" snapped the medic icily at the two of them. "You're disturbing my other patients.

"We apologize," said Anakin contritely at the same time as the older Jedi.

The medic shot them a threatening look before he left to the other side of the infirmary.

"This is not over, Skywalker," said Master Windu coldly, but in a quieter matter. "If you _ever_ pull a stunt like that again, I'll ask the Jedi Council to have you stripped of your rank and grounded merely to the Temple."

Anakin was all white and almost about to faint due to his fatigue, but not even his overall weakness could suppress the absolute fury he felt at that moment.

"Then it will be very soon, _Master_," he hissed venomously, trying to ignore his rebelling insides. "Because I'm returning for every _expendable_ man in the field. I won't have anyone die under my command when I can help it."

They stared at each other in chilling silence.

Then something shifted in Mace Windu's expression. "You can't save everyone, Skywalker."

"I can try," answered Anakin defiantly.

Master Windu sighed. "We're at war, Skywalker," he said at last with surprising gentleness. "You must accept that people will die. Sometimes, we have no choice but to sacrifice an individual. If you try to save them all, then it will destroy you one day."

For a second, Anakin thought he saw something like compassion and regret in Mace Windu's face. He felt a brief stab of shame for his outburst, and was half minded to apologize and accept the other man's peace offering. But then he felt another wave of nausea. The fleeting moment was gone and Anakin knew that no force in the universe would persuade him to back down.

He held his head high.

"So be it."

o - o - o

"How is he?" asked Obi-Wan the medic with quiet worry as he observed his friend in the farthest corner of the room.

Supported by a pillow, Anakin was half sitting in a bed, his eyes closed. He looked pale and worn out, although he seemed to be breathing evenly and didn't appear quite as sick as he had on the transmission. Even from the distance, Obi-Wan recognized that Anakin was not in fact sleeping, but merely relaxing – maybe he was even in a state of a light meditation.

"He is very lucky that he got help immediately," answered the medic seriously. "The medications we injected him with are truly effective only a short time after the poisoning. Thankfully, he is responding well to them. The side effects are unpleasant, but not life threatening. General Skywalker should be fine in a day or two. We are now monitoring his state, but unless something changes, we're releasing him in the morning."

"Thank you," said Obi-Wan tightly, yet with deep, hidden relief. When he'd heard that Anakin had collapsed shortly after his arrival to the field hospital… "Can I talk to him now?"

"Of course," answered the medic immediately. "Just keep the level of your _talk_ somewhat down. Some of our patients actually need their rest," he said rather darkly.

"I'm not sure I want to know," mumbled Obi-Wan. He had heard Mace had visited… and the medic's pointed look suggested that said conversation didn't go over too well.

He exchanged another few polite phrases and then made his way towards Anakin.

Anakin noticed his presence long before he reached his bed. He opened his eyes and greeted him with a warm smile.

"Hello Master."

"Anakin."

His former Padawan sat up in the bed and with a slightly shaking hand reached for a glass of water. His neck, upper chest and arms were covered with a rash – one of the symptoms caused by the antidote to the antidote to the antidote to the original poison.

"You never do anything halfway, do you?" said Obi-Wan. "Even when you get poisoned, you make sure that they would need three drugs to get it out of your system. "

Anakin answered with a sheepish grin. "Well, _that_ part wasn't exactly part of the plan."

"Oh? I didn't know there was a plan at all!"

It was meant to be a joke, but judging by Anakin's darkening expression, it came out much sharper than he had intended.

"You're right. Next time I make a _plan_, I'll take in consideration that half our information is false and our equipment faulty," said Anakin harshly before he took a deep breath, probably to calm himself. Instead he started coughing and choking.

"_Anakin!"_

"I'm fine," gasped Anakin. Truly, his breathing returned to normal in a matter of seconds.

He probably noticed Obi-Wan's concerned look, because he gave him a weak, cheeky smirk. "Hey, Master. It's not so bad. At least I'm getting a whole week of sick leave out of this."

"You could have died!" exclaimed Obi-Wan, annoyed by Anakin's flippancy.

Anakin just shook his head before he made a sudden grimace. "I really shouldn't have done that," he murmured quietly and pressed his palm against his forehead. Judging by his reaction, Obi-Wan could only guess how bad a headache he suffered from.

After a few seconds of silence, Anakin looked back at him. "Obi-Wan, the worst thing happening to me would be dying of boredom. They're sending me to Coruscant so that I could also speak directly to the Jedi and the Chancellor. Do you want to pass a message to someone in the Temple?"

Obi-Wan was at loss of words.

He wanted Anakin to acknowledge that he understood the risk he had taken. He wanted him to say that it mattered, that he wouldn't get himself killed just for the rush of action.

"Just say hello from me if you see someone of my friends," he said in the end.

"I can do that," replied Anakin soberly.

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

'_And who are you planning to see on Coruscant?'_ thought Obi-Wan quietly. He was sure Anakin was going to visit the Chancellor and Padmé. The second name bothered him. He recognized that Anakin's attachment to the Senator hadn't diminished. But if he asked, he may receive an answer. With an answer, it would be his duty to act. As it was, he could believe that Padmé was merely Anakin's friend.

"Master Windu was there to see you," he stated instead.

Anakin clenched his gloved hand. "I don't know about "seeing". There was certainly enough yelling. … Apparently, my only intention was to sabotage this mission. I should be grateful he didn't accuse me of being a Sith."

"What?" Obi-Wan was shocked by Anakin's bitterness. "Anakin – "

"I know," interrupted Anakin tiredly. "Patience and humility. Can't we skip that lecture today?"

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. Then another one. And another. "You are letting your emotions cloud your judgment. Naturally, you may dislike Master Windu, but he still deserves your respect. You are a Jedi Knight. You must learn be above petty arguments and even to accept criticism, whether you believe it's deserved or not."

"Yes, Master," said Anakin stiffly.

The abruptness of his answer didn't reassure Obi-Wan in the least.

"Anakin, you took a big risk – "

"I _understand_," snapped Anakin with a hint of impatience. "Master Windu has already explained that to me. I'm tired; can we finish this later? The medic said I should sleep as much as I can so that I heal faster."

Obi-Wan felt another surge of anger. Again, he released it into the Force. Meanwhile, Anakin had laid back and turned his head away in a somewhat childish gesture to emphasize that the talk was over.

Obi-Wan hesitated.

He worried about Anakin. He felt that there was something deeper behind Anakin's impertinence. But he decided not to push the matters anymore. He would let Anakin come to him when he was ready.

"Have a good way to Coruscant, then. And get well soon. May the Force be with you."

Anakin briefly stiffened. Then he turned back to Obi-Wan. "May the Force be with you too," he replied quietly.

There was something in his eyes that put Obi-Wan at unease. He had a nagging feeling that he should do something.

Then his comlink beeped.

"I need to go," he said unnecessarily. Anakin just turned away and stared at the wall again.

"Sleep well," said Obi-Wan softly and left the room.

Somehow, he suddenly felt another year older, and he couldn't even quite tell why.

o - o - o

As he felt Obi-Wan leaving, Anakin kept staring at the wall.

He knew he would not sleep, at least not until exhaustion completely took over. He had honestly tried before, with some breathing exercises and even a light meditation, but to no avail. Whenever he closed his eyes, he would see his men dying from the poisonous gas; suffocating, crying out in pain with blood flowing out of their eyes and –

He gritted his teeth and concentrated on staring at the wall to get the images from his head. He tried to memorize the surface of the wall, every little smudge or abnormality.

He wished Padmé was here.

He wished Obi-Wan hadn't left in such a hurry.

He wished for some human contact so that he could curl away and simply cease to be for a while.

Obi-Wan had left. Anakin needed him, but Obi-Wan was gone. Anakin had hoped that he would ask him about the factory. Maybe, just maybe if Obi-Wan had been patient and insistent enough, Anakin would have been able to tell him: that it was easier to ignore the death when a ship exploded in the space or when his soldiers were shot. That he respected Master Windu because of his knowledge and abilities, but that he couldn't trust him. That he wished for Obi-Wan to tell him he had done a good job and that what they were fighting for was still worth it.

He looked forward to Coruscant and Padmé. He looked forward to seeing the Chancellor again; for Palpatine would tell him that all their actions were just and worthwhile and that the war would hopefully be won soon.

Palpatine could lie to him when Obi-Wan would not.

Anakin couldn't wait to be on Coruscant again.

o - o - o

"I've heard of your talk with Anakin," said Obi-Wan neutrally.

"I sense you disagree," said Mace Windu.

"Partially," admitted Obi-Wan honestly. "Mostly with the form, although with some of the content as well. … I haven't doubted for a moment that Anakin would be there in time."

"Neither did I," said Mace at last.

Obi-Wan shot him a surprised look. "Then why – ?"

"The boy's going to get himself killed," said Mace grimly. "Even if he wasn't the Chosen One… "

Obi-Wan hesitated. "He couldn't have known his breathing device would malfunction as well."

"He couldn't have _known_," agreed Mace after a pause. "But he could have predicted it. … I've already sent a report to the Council. According to the preliminary analysis, at least a fourth of the devices didn't work. The Force was with us, otherwise there would have been no survivors as opposed to ten. Skywalker is lucky to be alive."

"He didn't take your opinion well," said Obi-Wan carefully. It pained him to see Anakin, whom he loved, and Mace, whom he deeply respected, so much at odds.

And this time, he suspected it wasn't merely Anakin's fault.

"I know," said Mace wearily. "And many would have done something similar in his place. We have already lost too many lives in this war."

Obi-Wan noticed the shadows in Mace's eyes and the troubled lines in his face.

"I have heard of your former Padawan," he said as gently as possible. "I am truly sorry for your loss."

"Depa was a grown woman," said Mace heavily. "She has chosen on her own."

Obi-Wan had nothing to say to that.

"I will have to find my peace again," admitted Master Windu at last. "I have spoken to Skywalker in anger. It was a grand mistake, and I will tell him so. But I won't apologize for my words, Obi-Wan," he said hardly. "When the war is over, there will be time to heal Skywalker's injured ego. Until then, I would rather see him alive."

Obi-Wan nearly opened his mouth to protest, but then he stopped himself. But inside, he disagreed.

He was sure Mace was wrong. This was about more than just Anakin's ego. He also knew that his former Padawan could sometimes hold a grudge. But out of respect, and also because he often feared for Anakin because of his antics, he said nothing.

"I've lost Depa to the Dark side, injury and insanity," said Mace gravely. "I deeply wish that you never discover the pain of that loss, Obi-Wan."

The graveness in his voice filled Obi-Wan with a strange mixture of foreboding and dread.

"Thank you," he said at last.

And their talk was over.

o - o - o

"You really should be more careful," admonished him Padmé gently when Anakin finished his tale.

"Not you too," groaned Anakin in frustration.

"Anakin, I'm sure they didn't mean it in a bad way – "

"Fine! Do it! Take their side!" snapped Anakin angrily. "Of course you'd agree with them that I am stupid and useless!"

"I have never said that," replied Padmé softly and tried to embrace him.

Anakin pushed her away. "But you're thinking it! I've had enough! _Kriff_, I can't _stand_ the way you look away when I tell you something and you disapprove."

"That's not _true_ and you know it – "

"Go to hell and leave me alone, Padmé," said Anakin without looking at her.

His wife stood there for a second before she turned away and left the room.

Anakin winced as the door closed loudly behind her.

He hadn't meant to say those things, not to her. Master Windu annoyed him, the war and the Seps annoyed him, the Jedi and Obi-Wan with his silence annoyed him, but not her – never her.

He had been insensitive and hateful to Padmé when she was only worried for him. He trusted and respected Padmé, loved her like nobody in the universe, because she had always shown him how much she loved him back.

He took a few deep breaths before he turned around and went after her.

He found her sitting on their bed in the bedroom.

Anakin hesitated.

"I'm sorry," he said, the words coming hard out of him. "I'll try to be more careful when I can. And you're probably right that Obi-Wan meant it well. It's been a bit too much lately and I've taken it out on you. Can you forgive me?"

Padmé turned his face to him and Anakin could see the glint of tears in her eyes. It was like a punch to his gut. Force, what had he done?

"Those things hurt," she said calmly. "Please, don't ever say them again."

"Padmé – "

"I want to be there for you, Ani. Don't push me away."

She then opened his arms for him, and Anakin knew he was forgiven.

"I guess I am a little reckless sometimes," admitted Anakin a few hours later, just after making love to Padmé.

"Only a little?" she teased.

"Well…"

Padmé snuggled closer to him and rested her arm on his chest.

"And I guess I did put the rest of our troops into danger. But I thought I was taking an acceptable risk. I hadn't thought it through as well as I should have. Things could have happened…"

Padmé quietly sighed.

Oblivious of his wife's mood, Anakin continued: "So I probably should speak with Obi-Wan. Tell him he was right, as usual. … I just can't understand him sometimes…"

Padmé signed again.

This time, Anakin noticed and turned to her. "What is it, my love?"

Padmé clutched his hand. "I'm glad that you trust me with your thoughts, Ani, and I'll always listen," she said hesitantly. "I just – well, I wish that at least in our bed, I didn't have to share you with Obi-Wan, the Jedi, Palpatine and the war."

Anakin gaped.

Then he laughed and embraced her.

"So be it," he murmured softly into her ear and gave her another kiss.

o - o - o

Darth Sidious was content.

His plan to turn Skywalker was proceeding well. The seeds of the boy's distrust of the other Jedi were slowly growing; the incident with the droid factory was just another example of it. Anakin's bond with Kenobi was worrisome, but their failure to communicate was playing into the Sith's hands. The stress of the war and his hidden marriage were slowly taking their toll on Skywalker and they were nicely increasing his fear and anger. With every day, Skywalker was coming closer and closer to being his.

There was Amidala, of course. That woman needed to go before Anakin could fully embrace his role as Sidious's apprentice. But that could be done. With some careful pushing, an intrigue here or there and a few carefully placed hints, she would be removed out of the picture, one way or another.

If only Sidious could somehow get Kenobi to kill her…

If only Sidious could somehow get _Anakin_ to kill her!

For a short while, he allowed himself to dream.

Sidious knew he shouldn't underestimate Kenobi, either. That man should have been dead long ago, pushing Anakin closer to the Dark side. While Amidala was sometimes able to control Anakin with a few words, Kenobi's influence was a little more subtle and less obvious – but it was still there.

No, corrected Sidious himself. Amidala _and_ Kenobi needed to go before he claimed his rightful apprentice. Then there would be nobody to oppose him and Sidious would rule his Empire unthreatened.

"So be it," whispered Darth Sidious and went to prepare another Senate speech.

THE END

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's note: Once again, I thank Rainsaber for her help with beta-reading this story.<strong>_


End file.
